I have had 8 weeks now to prepare myself for the hair loss, and I cut about 20 cm off my hair four weeks ago. But even so, when I endured my first round of chemo, and didn't feel quite as bad as my vivid imagination made out, after two weeks just a little tiny part of me deep down thought: maybe I will be the one rare person whose hair doesn't fall out.
I have been obsessively studying other people's hair. Have you noticed how newsreader hair always looks like a wig? I have. In fact anything which is very styled and neat and clean looks a bit wig like. I know I should say I couldn't care less what other people think of my hair or lack thereof. But that is just not possible to do all the time.
But reality bit this week and my hair has been coming out in horrendous handfuls. So there is nothing for it but to cut\shave it all off. Which I am doing today.
(me with hair and daughter)
And then there is the question of what to do next. I feel very strongly that whilst what I want is important, there is a little matter of my family who have to look at me.
And you can be certain that my family does have opinions. And quite strong ones. This is what my daughter said about it (verbatim) 'Mummy you have to get a wig otherwise I will COMPLETELY FREAK OUT'.
And then there are clients at work. I don't want to shove my condition in their face.
So off to the wig shop I went to be served by the nicest nicest lady who said things like 'But you are gorgeous, you will look amazing with no hair' (not true but her sincerity was impressive). She sold wigs to Kyle Minogue and Delta Goodrem when they had cancer. And I do like mine. It's not the same as my real hair but I think it will do.
The other option of course is scarves.
I was a big wearer of scarves in the 1990s. Today I have dug them out and ironed them. Yesterday I went online and bought a Dolce and Gabbana leopard print scarf on sale. Supposedly authentic but for $60 I have my suspicions.
(Furla scarf bought in Venice 10 years ago)
(Gucci bought 14 years ago)
(two Hermes scarves given to me by my mother years ago. Not sure these colours are that flattering but anyway).
(some Vixen scarves)
And I think I rather like the idea of being a bit gypsy like and giving my scarves a new lease on life. And I am glad now that I didn't copy Ally's idea of framing my Hermes' scarves. Time will tell whether I will be able to wear a blue and green scarf with horses on it on my bald head.